Long-distance love

Some people think you have to go out and find love; others think that you should wait until it comes to you. What if both things happen at once? I’m talking, of course, about that most trying, difficult and thrilling of possibilities: the Long Distance Relationship (LDR).

Now, I’ll admit that my idea of what constitutes long distance is somewhat … well, fucked up. When I was 15 and had my first real boyfriend (A senior! Le sigh.), not only did we not go to school together (Thanks, all-girls Catholic high school.), but we also lived in different towns, in different states. His school was 45 minutes from mine. His house was 45 minutes from his school. His house was an hour and 15 minutes from my house. It was a triangle of doom, which meant that we didn’t get to make out in the hall and hold hands on a daily basis, but we did spend every Friday or Saturday night at one another’s house. Our parents, sympathetic to the somewhat hopeless plight of our young love, allowed us sleepovers. I realize that this is not standard for the high school set. It’s just another example of the many ways in which my upbringing was totally hippified.

Anyway, things were fine, so it didn’t seem that odd to me to date someone who lived an hour away. (And around DC, almost anywhere can be an hour away, depending on traffic.) So, when I dated The Latest, who I am renaming The Last of the Weepers (There shall be no more, John Farrell! He, also, was never goth.), the commute didn’t faze me. He used it as Reason 8756865969708933474 why This Wasn’t Meant to Be. (Really? ‘Cause I think the only reason is pretty much that you’re a fucking liar.)

I understand that a high school boyfriend is different than an Oh-my-God-I’m-almost-thirty-where-has-the-time-gone-gee-
you’d-make-a-good-partner-let’s-take-it-slow-but-you-know-faster-than-a-fucking-glacier-okay-kiddo-get-the-fuck-over-your-ex-girlfriend relationship. I know that there are different things that I need ten years later. But, the pros and cons list remains pretty much the same.

I’m a fan of people being independent, whole persons who have their own lives. Two people make a much better pair than one-and-a-half. When you are apart, you are able to develop solid communication. Awkward silences need to be overcome by talking through them, not by making out through them. (Granted, the making out is great, but you can’t build a solid relationship on kisses alone. It’s tempting, though.) You develop a style of conversation and a comfort with talking that serves you well when you are together. 

All-in-all, I don’t have a big problem with distance. Other than that it makes kisses-on-demand more difficult to come by, that is. And that you have to wait. And wait. And wonder if, in the end, you’ll actually be able to make something of it. But that’s part of the excitement, too.

So, if it’s right, don’t be afraid of distance. Because being geographically distant is leaps and bounds better than being emotionally distant.